Dear Deb –
I had no clue when we met at McMahon Hall at UCONN that we’d still be friends nearly 30 years later. We’ve seen each other through richer and poorer, through good times and bad, and in sickness and in health.
Probably the reason I describe our friendship with words that are reminiscent of vows is that we’ve shared so much over the years. We’ve survived plenty of adventures. You even humored me and let me talk you into joining the rugby team when we needed more players. We’ve hiked together, cooked together, helped each other move, been a part of each other’s family events (including weddings and funerals), laughed for hours on end, and supported each other’s creative and professional endeavors.
The thread of our health stories has woven through our times together. Along with our shared interest in herbals and alternative healing, you’ve been with me and held my hand through health problems and I’ve done the same for you. We’ve worked with allopathic and alternative health practitioners and seen each other recover and move on.
When I think back to sitting together in Gampel Pavilion on graduation day, I think of two healthy women ready to face what life was about to dish out. I don’t think we realized that we’d be each other’s health care advocates, but somehow over the years our conversations about our health have been a constant and have shaped this friendship. Looking back on it, it’s clear that when I’ve need to make health choices, manage news about my health, or navigate the health system, it has been better to have a friend there to help me make sense of it.
We’ve both experienced myriad health challenges and know what it’s like to feel isolated and alone working through appointments, treatments and side effects. Our lives have been shaped by some of these health scenarios – for both of us, having children or not being one of the most impactful – and we know from experience that our health has shaped our work opportunities, our relationships and our families. Your food allergies have, unfortunately, reduced how frequently we’ve gone out to eat over the years and certainly my having kids has changed my ability to spend time with you (thanks goodness for social media, though).
What I’ve found is that when I’ve talked with you about symptoms, pain, fear or health risks, I’ve become more resilient in my ability to deal with them. Having gone through various health care visits with you, I’ve learned how much it matters when someone truly listens. You and I have often lamented when we’re not being listened to by doctors or nurses and we’ve speculated about how there was a better or worse outcome and how that impacts whether or not we feel like we’ve been understood and treated with dignity.
Last fall when you were navigating doctors’ visits while dealing with the complications of endometriosis, it was a privilege to hold your hand and ask the questions of the doctor checking you out after your surgery. It felt like I was able to make sure you were heard during that encounter and I could be sure that you got what you needed and didn’t feel alone. It’s the importance of moments like that and the wisdom that we, as friends, can share with others that really inspires me to work with you on this project.
We started this effort on a hunch that we weren’t the only women with a close friend who has accompanied her on a health journey, and that our health stories were worth sharing. While talking with women and interviewing them about their health stories during these past few months, three themes emerged; that women need to be heard when they talk about their health issues; that they need to be honored by being understood and treated with dignity; and that they need to be healed or receive solutions or curative care for the health problems and symptoms they are experiencing. These themes are our project’s foundation, though as we know from experience, and heard from the dozen women we have spoken with so far; being heard, healed and honored isn’t always what happens on our health journeys. Explicit or not, these ARE the expectations we all have when facing a health issue.
It’s the power of women’s’ health storytelling that we’re hoping to capture and share as we create this blog and podcast. I hope our work can help others know that they’re not alone, that overcoming health challenges is an accomplishment, that while health does shape our lives, we have the power, together, to shape our health.
Thank you, Deb, for these years of friendship, and for starting this storytelling journey with me. Thank you, also, for having the courage over the next few weeks, to share your story about your decades-long challenges with endometriosis, to kick off our first series of posts. Through sharing the story, I hope that other women with similar experiences can find comfort, wisdom and support.
May the women who share their stories with us know that we hear and honor them and their stories. May they see that through the telling of their stories, they may find their way to healing.